make a sweet love? really?

really, seriously.

how did I get myself mixed up with a guy who keeps texting me that he wants to 'make a sweet love' to me?

I think I need to go to therapy.

texts from last night.

Last night...was....a shitshow. Could and probably should be its own entry, but let's just say it led to me jumping out of a cab to projectile vomit at 9:30 this morning.

Apparently Pseudo was having quite the night too, and feeling amorous because I woke up to 12 new texts, along with a whole conversation that I don't remember. From the beginning.....skip to the end if you just want the extra fun late night segment.

10:15 PM:
P: How goes Heidi
Me: Hi :) I may or may not be wasted on the UES. How are u?
P: I'm good :) A little drunk too. More wine than I'm currently used to.
Me: Ah, I see. At the bar next door?
P: So u've been good?
P: No. Home working/drinking. But headed there soon.

10:49 PM:
Me: I've been good :) having kinda ridiculous night but good :)
P: At bar now. Ahh jersey girls suck! Its who u are but I wish u weren't so complicated :) but then again I'm a mess too. Pbly easier this way I am really tired of hurting people. I don't have the constitution for it.
Me: Wait u mean is jersey girls who are complicated or me? Confused :)
P: lol. ure complicated. Jersey girls are simpletons.

11:02 PM:
P: But maybe not. I accept the fact that I may have created all the complexity in my mind.
Me: w me or u? (or both?)
P: Obviously I'm drunk. Just add it to the entertainment fee you owe me :)
P: No with me to answer ur question.
P: I know how you came to your positions
P: Usually understanding the others positions is enough to make a decision

11:32 PM
P: K Ignore me
P: Like for real
Me (via Diana, I couldn't type at this point): I'm way confused
P: Seriously ignore me
P: But if u want clarification
P: :)
P: Ure beautiful
P: Check
P: Smart. Check
P: And as much as my better self knows I shouldn't I'd come see u in a second
P: Not sexual just hi Heidi
P: And pbly obvioulsy a little drunk
P: Check
P: Hope ure enjoyin the show :)

11:47 PM
P: Ignore it all tomorrow

Easter, according to Pothead

"Too bad you're not in town [for Easter]. I'd be your chocolate, you could be my bunny."

-Pothead

Romancing: The Match.com Way

I received a message from a guy on Match.com asking me about my week, telling me about his, and then rounded out the nice-enough message with: "I have a theory about you, by the way. :)"

Upon reading that last line, in stepped the side of me that gets defensive when people think that they know me before they actually do, so I responded with a short: "Hi, what's this theory that you've got?"

His response: "My theory is that you like men who are optimistic and upbeat because you like those qualities in yourself but at the same time you feel those qualities lacking in yourself and so want a man to fill them. How did I do? :)"

This, of course, brought out my I-don't-need-a-man-to-fulfill-me side, and I got too annoyed with his lame psychoanalysis to even answer.

I kinda feel sorry for him now that I retype all of this... I mean, was this the best pick-up line he had???