I am a terrible TWI'er.

TWI = Texting While Intoxicated.

Saturday night, the girls and I were all out til about 5 am... Needless to say, I was a good bit intoxicated. And apparently, when intoxicated, I regress. Lots.

I decided to text Pothead:

Me: "I heard that you were hitting on one of my best friends, Muffy. I thought I was your girl?"

He answered the next morning:

"Haha, and what happened to your boyfriend? Lol, you're sexy from head to toes, but Muffy does have a nice booty :)))"

And then later Sunday night he followed up with:

"Now how come you only talk to me when you're drunk? You wouldn't happen to be one of those white girls with a repressed jungle fever now would you? Ha."


At least he has a great sense of humor in dealing with my drunk texting/teasing him!

today's lesson: the golden rule

Step by step instructions on how to be a big asshole:

1) Decide to break it off with Pseudo Boyfriend because you are bored, the sex is bad, and he is talking about wanting to be married - not necessarily to you, but married - next year, which totally freaks you out.

2) Passive aggressively stop texting him when you go away for a long weekend.

3) Find it a little curious that he isn't texting you either, but figure that you are involved in the fun dating came of Text Chicken - and he was the last to text so it probably is your turn.

4) Finally feel sort of bad, give in, text him.

5) Find out that - actually - the reason he hasn't been texting you is not due to Text Chicken, but is because his body went into shock 12 hours after he last messaged you, and he's been in the hospital for the last 4 days.

I mean - wow. Doesn't change the ultimate situation, we are not compatible, but this one did make me feel like a big jerk. Nice guys don't deserve to be alone in the hospital for four days and simultaneously suddenly ditched by their pseudo girlfriend.

Lesson learned: don't forget the golden rule, even if you're bored and the sex is shitty. It's just not cool.

back to the game.

I headed to the suburbs for the last few days, to escape from my life with my sister and her brood. I was on a specific mission to detox from both booze and men...no texts, no calls, no sex....but, that doesn't include online dating, right?

So - because I apparently have issues and can't completely cut off contact with men for 72 hours - I, completely sober and feeling inspired to put myself out there in an honest way, hit up Match. (The lovely Diana inspires me here!) Sent a wink and a few just-witty-enough emails...while I did get a wink back from a very attractive man, he hasn't replied to my subsesquent email. Neither have the other two who I emailed.

And.......this is precisely why I have to advocate for playing the dating games. When you don't reach out to them, they want you. When you do, they ignore you. (There is a Match-specific game, by the way, it's called the "who's viewed me" shuffle...but that's another entry.) I'm so not naturally inclined to roll this way, but I get the same outcome every. single. time. that I don't play along. So...back in I go.