Him: Hi Diana, its Pothead. How are you?
[six hours later] Me: I'm well thanks, how are you?
Him: I'm a year older, 27 now. We should go for a drink at The Wine Bar sometimes.
Me: I'm sorry, I hate The Wine Bar.
Him: Oh ok, you got a place you like to go for a drink?
Me: Well I mean I do have a boyfriend though... Does that matter to you?
Him: Well, he's your bf, not mine, i digged you that night, you're really cute.
Me: Well thanks. I have a question. What was the guy doing on the roof with just suspenders and boxers but no pants?
[thirty minutes later] Me: Pothead my love...please tell me the suspenders story
-Pothead calls. I don't recall the conversation, just that I know I really egged him on even further. We hang up.-
Me: It was so good to hear your sexy voice.
Him: Hehe, really? Glad you like it babe.
Me: You speak french, can you tell me what menage a trois means?
Him: It means me, you and another cutie.
Me: How about you me and another guy?
Him: Lol, you're funny, you're game like that? I never done that, but i'm like that energy bunny, you only one of me ;)
[I think he meant, "you only need one of me"...]
Him: I'm back home, we should meet up, i'll teach u more sexy french.
Me: Hm, menage a trois. What about you and Ivory Coast?
Him: What??? You're serious? i don't know about that ...come on babe, let me drop by and say hi, i haven't seen you in a while.
Me: I'm actually really serious. Is that a problem?
Him: Ok, let's meet up and talk about what you want to do, imma take a shower, let me know, if you serious, i can seriously drop by and get down to some serious business... Nope that's not a prob ...just say the word, i'll be right by your doorstep, coming to put some dick between your legs, just say the word. Lol, we can alternate...seriously u got me in the mood, i wanna tear your ass apart babe...
-At this point, The Beard was listening in to us girls laughing so hard at the text messages that he grabbed my phone, and decided he was going to answer Pothead for a while. I didn't argue and let him text away. I'm seriously going to hell. The following messages sent from "me" are actually The Beard...-
Me: The only thing you'll be putting in me is a serious bout of nausea.
Him: Ok, i get it...but you started with this, i just played along. i didn't think you were serious at first, that's why i asked you, but think what you want to think.
Me: Take it easy buddy I'm sure there are women lined up around the block to have your awkward sexual advances texted to them.
Him: I didn't make any advances until you teased me about having a sexy voice and wandering about menage a trois ...i called you see how you were doing and if you wanted to meet up, that was it...anyway, it doesn't matter now.
Me: [this was Heidi taking the phone back and trying to wrap the convo up] Dude pothead I'm just drunk and was playin'. Dude its all good.
I'm going to hell. I'm going to hell. I'm going to hell.
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