To Lube or Not to Lube

Ok, so here's the thing my kitten's been dryer then the sierra desert lately. Actually I don't like kitten, let's call her GINA from now on. So Gina's been dry and after carefully assessing the situation I decide to do what every other professional does in time of crises, take on a partner! Meet the proverbial LUBRICANT. After buying each variety I could get my anxious little hands on I end with DUREX, K-Y and Amirex brands of "feminine moisture aid." Really? Feminine moisture aid, just say it like it is, "this shit wets your whistle." Wait, did I just read one which boasts "warming lubricant? Um, you have my attention.

Let's give her a whirl.

So I'm playing kissy face with my sweetie and I'm really trying to get hot enough to wet the old whistle and there's entry level wetness but not enough for me to ride him like a quarter pony outside of Kmart, which is of course the desired result.

So I reach for the ol' bottle or warming lube, squeeze a healthy portion in my hand and slather is all over GINA. He enter's, meanwhile my inner dialogue is going a little something like this:

"ok, this is good, there seems to be enough for me to work with after the initial wiggling into position, I think I love this stuff!" Mmm maybe I should have started out with a smaller amount cause I think I'm tingling a little too much..... wait I'm sort of burning... oh shit, that's a good spot... "stay there hunny"... wait my GINA is really tingling... uh oh... I better wrap this up...holy moly my GINA is ON FIRE!!!!! Ok gunna fake the O, have to.... Oh ohohohohohohoooooooo, "you rock my world." AHHHHhhhhhh

Thank God that's over, now I need to go pee all this shit out of me!!!!

So what now? I have a GINA that's in fuego so there's no way for another round. This blows.

So there you have it, my first experience with warming feminine moisture aid and the result is a 4-star yeast infection.

Fucking disaster.